Trauma Focussed Relationship Therapy

Trauma unfortunately often occurs in relationship with others, and so part of healing it is learning to create a safe, vulnerable relationship with important others where each partner can show up authentically and be seen for their true selves. This involves learning to be in touch with one’s own vulnerabilities and defenses as well as their partner’s, and coming to be able to respond from a place of vulnerability rather than react from a place of defense. Relational therapy can help partners be able to think and feel at the same time, know the difference between these, tolerate, understand, and be able to hear one another’s experiences, and establish trust and build compassion.

Watch Hill Therapy works with couples and families who have experienced ongoing complex trauma as well as single-event traumas within relationships with their current partners, previous partners, or family of origin.

This might include experiences such as:

  • Childhood Trauma, Abuse, or Neglect

  • Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Physical Abuse

  • Emotional Abuse & Neglect

  • Witnessing violence & unhealthy relationship patterns in caretakers and trusted adults

  • Shame, Self-Blame, Self-Criticism

  • Anger, Blame & Criticism

  • Chronic Relationship Problems

  • Dissociation

  • Emotional Distress, Emotional Trauma & Dysregulation

  • Substance Misuse, Addictions, and Infidelity

  • Financial Distress & Financial Infidelity

  • Emotional Ruptures, Mutual Triggering, Triggering & Trauma Responses

  • Communication Difficulties

  • Defensiveness, & Withdrawal

  • Anxiety & Avoidance

Trauma impacts individuals & relationships.

While trauma may not have originated from a current relationship or be occuring actively in the present, it undeniably affects current relationships and shows up in the present. Trauma affects an individual’s ability to recognize their own emotions, respond to their emotions, regulate themselves, communicate clearly, show up with vulnerability in a relationship, and separate what is “theirs” or resulting from past trauma to what is “their partner’s” or resulting from a partner’s past trauma. When you have one or two individuals in a couple who have experienced trauma, it affects the dynamic significantly. While it is each individual’s responsibility to take accountability for their actions and choices in a relationship, doing this work together as a couple can help strengthen connection and open up opportunities to have vulnerabilities validated and held by a partner in ways that are healing and transformative for each of you.

Our Approach

Trauma focussed relationship therapy involves doing couple or family therapy that is trauma-informed. This means prioritizing safety both physically and emotionally for everyone in the room. Trauma often makes it difficult to differentiate between what is safe and what feels safe, and both of these are crucial to building relational safety. Without relational safety, each individual will not be able to meet one another authentically and with vulnerability, which is what is needed to build a genuine connection.

Rather than approaching the process with blaming, shaming, or deciphering who is in the right or who is in the wrong, we bring attention to what is actually happening in the space together and seeking to understand why and where those patterns are coming from. Patterns are not created in isolation, and so it takes the awareness and mindfulness of each person to respond differently in order to create a changed dynamic. This starts with prioritizing safety, autonomy, and presence for each partner.

When one or both partners do not feel safe in the relationship, they might react in a number of different ways they may have learned from previous relationships in order to maintain a sense of control and distance from potential relational pain, including defensiveness, criticism, anger, withdrawal, or dissociation. And these reactions naturally trigger a protective reaction from the other partner, and the cycle of defense and attack keeps the two from engaging in real connection at whatever level they feel comfortable to do so.

We approach this pattern with curiosity and inquiry-not a demand that it cease immediately. We trust that these reactions are there for a reason and emerged to protect an individual at some point in their life. But we do inquire and reflect into whether these strategies are still useful in the current relationship and whether another one might be more useful. We provide a nonjudgemental space for each individual, together, to reflect on how they experience the relationship, how it impacts them, and how they would like to be in the relationship differently.